Reading Your Spouse’s Mind
Derek and I serve in marriage ministry and we teach this stuff, so you think we would no better. I mean we should not have these trivial arguments after thirty- years of living in the proverbial happily ever-after. In my defense though, and since he is not here to present his side of the story, I was tired, sweaty and, if I am honest, a bit annoyed he was asking me such a trivial thing, such as where did I put the scissors when my mind was occupied with more weighty matters.
But how could he know? He could not read my mind. I quickly internally checked myself, made a good-natured joke, about the scissors running away from home again, and what could have been a bad scene turned around. (Joke context: we tell the kids to put items back in their home, or where they belong). He, likewise, seemed to understand I was not present in the moment. We both had a good laugh.
Too often the couples that end up in our counselling sessions believe the other partner knew what he or she is thinking. Even those gifted in extraordinary sensory perception cannot know what another is thinking all the time. Seriously, it is unfair to put the burden of knowing what you are thinking on your mate. The reality is, often we are not sure what we are thinking about ourselves. Now, to bring balance to the issue, I am not referring to issues or subjects that you have discussed at length and both have come to conclusions about, such as parenting, budgeting, etc.
However, some arguments are just a matter of perception. If you simply will give your mate the benefit of the doubt, many arguments could be avoided. This approach is a great challenge but one we must tackle on a daily basis. This means thinking the best of our mates. This means not rehearsing the negative. This means dying to yourself. This means being like Christ.
Cheryl Carter, and her husband Derek. help married couples navigate the difficult process of communication. Visit familysuccess.org to get their free book on communication.
Derek and I serve in marriage ministry and we teach this stuff, so you think we would no better. I mean we should not have these trivial arguments after thirty- years of living in the proverbial happily ever-after. In my defense though, and since he is not here to present his side of the story, I was tired, sweaty and, if I am honest, a bit annoyed he was asking me such a trivial thing, such as where did I put the scissors when my mind was occupied with more weighty matters.
But how could he know? He could not read my mind. I quickly internally checked myself, made a good-natured joke, about the scissors running away from home again, and what could have been a bad scene turned around. (Joke context: we tell the kids to put items back in their home, or where they belong). He, likewise, seemed to understand I was not present in the moment. We both had a good laugh.
Too often the couples that end up in our counselling sessions believe the other partner knew what he or she is thinking. Even those gifted in extraordinary sensory perception cannot know what another is thinking all the time. Seriously, it is unfair to put the burden of knowing what you are thinking on your mate. The reality is, often we are not sure what we are thinking about ourselves. Now, to bring balance to the issue, I am not referring to issues or subjects that you have discussed at length and both have come to conclusions about, such as parenting, budgeting, etc.
However, some arguments are just a matter of perception. If you simply will give your mate the benefit of the doubt, many arguments could be avoided. This approach is a great challenge but one we must tackle on a daily basis. This means thinking the best of our mates. This means not rehearsing the negative. This means dying to yourself. This means being like Christ.
Cheryl Carter, and her husband Derek. help married couples navigate the difficult process of communication. Visit familysuccess.org to get their free book on communication.
